Perseverance. The quest.

The Hunt and the legislative process. Both are a quest. Questing is “a journey made in search of something,” (Miriam Webster). Or it is trying to accomplish something. I went on a quest for the Deer with my first deer hunt opening weekend of deer season November 2020. It had incredible lessons, beautiful blessings, required incredible perseverance and so much that relates to life.

There were a lot of things that went into the hunt. But one of the things that jumped out at me one day as I was making a deer roast last winter, was the idea of all the little things and all the little changes that had to happen in order to reach the goal. To fulfill the quest. It also reminded me of the legislative process, working to build coalitions and refine language, with all the details, all the obstacles, all the change and things you cannot control. Just as the legislature happens, and people do things, nature also happens. And it happened on my first deer hunt.

When you're out in the woods for four days, in really brutal weather, the worst opening weekend for deer hunting that all my hunter friends said they ever had - with snow, and ice, pretty high winds. Believe me, it is SO cold and windy at the top of a tree, on a cold metal stand. Even dressed in seven layers! Even with “hot hands” and “hot feet,” which are these cool things you put in your pockets and boots to keep your hands and feet warm (or sort of at least). With boots that are soaked through. The first day it stormed with lightning and rain. It also snowed. There was ice. One day was incredibly windy. Literally “all the things” as I like to say.

Then you go into the house. But you’re staying in a farmhouse where with no heat and the water shut off for winter. I'm telling you, man, it was really cold. The type of cold outside and inside where you just never warm up, except when you’re buried under all the covers sleeping, until you have to get out of bed in the chill air.

You’re channeling your old-time farmer vibe. While you're cold, you still have all these other things that must be done. You have to persevere and overcome. Otherwise, you would be giving up. If you give up, you don’t get the deer. So, you work around the problems, and you find more solutions. You just do it. Just like when you're a lobbyist, where you have a lot of things that you have to overcome. There are a lot of demands, a lot of multitasking and you have to adjust to the process. You can’t fight it; you have to embrace it and find a way or another path.

Taken from the tree stand on the last late afternoon of my hunt, Tuesday Nov. 17, 2021, looking up towards the barn. You can barely see the roof of the house in this image as well.

When you’re sitting there in the stand – and sitting, and sitting and sitting – but it’s not happening with the hunt, and things keep getting in the way, you have to adjust. You're waiting for the right deer, you're waiting for the buck or the stag, you're trying to do all the little things, and sometimes it’s not working. Just like when you're trying to pass legislation or advocate on a bill and work with opposing parties.

On the hunt, after waiting, you might have to change your location, you might have to change how you're holding your rifle or even what you're wearing. You might have to change the time that you're out there or even find another tree stand. You might have to do all these little tweaks, because essentially, you're trying to commune with the buck and commune with this process that is the hunt.

The hunt is alive. It is its own animal. It’s you and the deer and your deer that’s out there. Just as the legislative process is alive – it’s its own animal too. It’s you and all the players and groups and people in the legislative process and the vision of the legislation and the goal.

As you're doing this communing with the hunt, it’s a quest. It’s a journey to the deer, and you are building this relationship with the deer. You can “see” him coming, and you build this relationship while waiting, watching and shifting. It's just like trying to build your relationship with the people that you are working with in the legislative process on an issue, trying to get language that everybody can agree on. A lot of perseverance, adjusting and intuition is involved. You can see the end goal, and you’re feeling your way through the process.

The first 3 1/2 days of my hunt, I hunted from a stand in the woods by our lake.

In the case of the hunt, you go on this quest, and you're trying to get the right deer to come out. You feel for the deer’s likes and dislikes, their patterns and how best to connect. You notice the little things. You build the relationship. You’re pursuing the stag and not the doe with her fawn. You’re trying to get the right one to come out at the right time to give you the opportunity and to bless you with the gift.

You might have to change things and become a shapeshifter. I went out to the same tree stand in the middle of the woods, in the dark in the morning and the dark of sunset. for three days. One day I didn't even come in at all and had a protein bar for lunch on the stand. When I say come in, I mean go into the house, which still was cold enough to hang meat. It was like a freezer in the house.

Finally, on my fourth solid day of hunting, I got really frustrated because I was on the same tree stand in the middle of the woods and something completely crazy happened. There are two neighboring farms that back up to our Missouri Century Farm (that’s been in our family since 1902) where I heard shots fired close to me. That wasn’t a huge deal, though it makes the deer move.

However, a little while later, there was this completely crazy, loud noise like I've never heard before. It was not coyotes. Nope, I know that sound. This was something different. Guttural. Animal. And the deer came running! They were running like their tails were on fire! They came from behind me diagonally out and away from me on both sides. The deer were completely freaked out. (We think it was a bobcat!)

I turned my head to look over my left shoulder, and then I saw them. I swear, it was the very same doe with her fawn. She literally stopped and stared at me. It was the very same doe with her baby that came just 20 feet from my deer stand that first Saturday morning of the hunt. I could have shot her the first morning, but I didn’t. Even though it was my first-time deer hunting, I was not going to do anything like that because it had to be this buck that I saw in my mind’s eye. It was like she stopped to acknowledge this before she ran deeper into the woods with her fawn.

Sun starting to go down on the 4th and last day of my hunt. You can see the barn and house in the distance.

Then the self-judgment started. I was just like, oh my god, I suck at this! I'm a horrible hunter! This is all falling apart, the deer completely freaked out. I can't get anybody to come down and be where they're supposed to be or where I want them to be, that kind of thing. And it's all about that connection and communion with the land with the spirit of deer and with all that.

I climb down with the tree stand. I’m thinking “screw it.” I’m done. And then I have to trudge back all the way to the truck, which is pretty far away. I trudge back with my backpack, with all my stuff and with my rifle. I have on eight layers of clothes, including a hoodie and two hats and a couple pairs of gloves and a jacket, several shirts, etc. I’m bundled up like a little orange and cammo roly poly! (The orange coat was my Grandma Kilpatrick’s! We think she wore it going out on Dale’s farm with him during hunting season.)

I finally make it back into the house. At this point, I'm tired, hungry, cold and weary to the bone. And I've been doing this for four days, I'd been there for five days. And I was ready to quit. I actually started crying, because it was just a physical thing. I called and talked to my dad; he said the right thing.

Originally, I was only supposed to be there on the hunt until Sunday night. But I chose not to shoot the doe the first morning, and I was determined to persevere and finish the quest for my deer. So, I had stayed, and had hunted four very hard days.

I said to myself, okay. I'm just going to lay down and be still for a minute. I may not sleep, but I'm going to think about this, and not really think about what I’m going to do, I’m just going to sit with it. And then when I'm done, I'm going to know what I need to do, and if I'm staying to continue my hunt, and where I’m going to hunt next.

So ultimately, something my dad said stuck in my mind. Dad kept saying to me that I needed to hunt out of the barn, where the corn is in the field and all that. And I said that I'm not hunting out of the barn. But when I decided to get up, I said to myself, o.k., I'm going to go out to a different tree stand. I’m going to go to the tree stand that is near the barn, about 600 yards away. I get dressed back up, and I go into that tree stand. I had to find it, walk down the waterway, walk through the fields, all bundled up again, climb up there. This stand was harder to hunt out of because there wasn't any camouflage around it or anything – completely open to the air and to the deer’s line of sight.

In addition to choosing the different tree stand, I had been making all of my other adjustments and changes. How I move when they're not looking. Where the wind is. In this case, I figured out that the wind was going to be perfect as far as wind direction from where the deer would likely be coming from. I'd figured that out. I'd also figured out a lot more by watching the deer, and I determined this stand and this field was where they were going to move towards the end of the day, at least some of them because I'd seen them in the back yard. I'd seen seven does in our backyard under the apple tree, which was very unusual. I’d seen them running across the field at night across our little drive that cuts through our farm on my way back at night from hunting in the back woods. And so, I wait. I also have to move the rifle when they are not looking, and I’d learned how to best do that. I waited. Hours. Again.

Gratitude. My buck. He was 180 pounds. Beat up antlers. Estimated to be 3-4 years old.

But the deer literally look right at you. Sunset is approaching, and it seems the next thing I know, this buck walks out of the waterway, and he's the one I saw in my vision. You can say that he was my quest. I knew it. He was my goal. He was the one I was trying to reach. He was the one I’d been building this relationship with - and so out he comes. It’s a massive adrenaline rush and trying to breathe and move the rifle not bang it on the stand.

The buck is there, the stag, the adrenaline, and all of that and so then I decided. I knew he was the one. He walks out, he's there. He glances away. I move. I move my rifle to get it up, which was tricky with all my clothes on, and I couldn't get my cheek down on the rifle. I had to do all this when he would turn. I did this a few times, and I got my rifle up in place. But then I had to wait for him to go the right direction because I had to have the perfect shot. My other ethic was that I would only take a perfect shot.

The shot was there. At about 150 feet. He was there. He had his last bite of dinner, an ear of field corn, and I took my shot. He all of a sudden ran right towards me, and it was like he was looking right at me. Well, he was literally looking right at me, but it also felt like he was like two feet from me. He ran straight towards me and suddenly he pulled up. Then he laid down right in front of me. Literally right in front of my tree stand, on the edge of the field. They usually run away and don’t run towards you. The whole thing was just magic. And he came on purpose, because I called him because I quested for him.

And that's sort of like what it's like with legislation and the legislative process. Because all of those little things - you tweak things, you adjust, you shapeshift, you make changes. All of that is necessary when partnering with people the spirit of the process.

Sometimes when you feel like quitting, you just need to regroup. You need to get up and completely change locations, change strategy, find the thing that works for everybody, to get everybody to agree, and to find the right language, to make the right tweaks to get the job done. And sometimes, this could take a really long time.

I was only supposed to be in the woods for two days, I ended up being in the woods for four days, and at the farm for six days. And with legislation, you may want to get a one-word language change. Sometimes it takes you a couple years, sometimes you can get it right away. Or if you want bigger changes, it can take 10 years, but you persevere. You adjust. You learn. You embrace the process. You learn about the animal that it is and you persevere.

You persevere and you do all of that. You can get the job done and be successful and also find meaning your quest - even almost like a spiritual experience. Just like with the deer quest.  

######

Tomorrow, Nov. 12, 2021, I am leaving on my second deer hunt on our MO Century Farm, and this time Dad is coming. This time the water will stay on, but no heat and cold temps expected, but I will persevere! I have to share this synchronicity! As I was refining this blog post, the day before we leave for my second deer hunt, I was also listening to a class by Jose Ruiz at the same time, as part of the second level apprenticeship program that I’m in with the don Miguel Ruiz family. Jose told the story of the magical deer from Ruiz’ Mastery of Love book. “The only one that can hunt this deer is no one outside of you. No hunter can hunt it, the only one that can really get this deer is you. When you hunt yourself.” Gotta love it when a plan comes together!